contracts we make

I’ve been thinking a lot about expectations lately. Where do we get these expectations anyway? Are they developed while we are growing up? Do we embrace what our parents roles, do we reject them vehemently, or do we pick our own way in-between?

For example, my father always took out the garbage and every partner I’ve had has done the same. Neither of us asked, “okay who is taking out the garbage?” It was unspoken agreement, an expectation that just happened. Since this chore is one I do not especially want to do, I’ve not been anxious to do it any differently. Yet I wonder about it from a guy’s viewpoint. I mean do they just do it because they think they are “supposed to”? Does it happen without much thought or do they grumble about it and wonder how they got themselves into being the garbage man?

shoesI feel a little embarrassed but I’m totally not a domestic woman. I have made this quite clear or my mates have figured it out quickly. This doesn’t work for everyone if they have different expectations. In my current relationship we choose to share household maintenance. At some point the expectations of how often and how spotless the house is comes into conversation with some frustration.

Of course there are plenty of other expectations that are issues in partner relationships – time spent together, fidelity, money, family, etc, and can be subject matter for many other postings. But what about expectations with other relationships?

Friends also have expectations. They want interaction, your ear, input, time. How can we support our friends in a way that is for their higher good? Who determines what is “higher good”? Do we give friends what they want or do we give them what we think they honestly need but may not desire?

Our career demands expectations from us. How much of our life can we give to our work? If our work is not fulfilling are we required to give as much of ourselves? Since we are getting paid do we “owe” our life force to the company?

Most importantly I suppose is our expectations of ourselves. After we are divided up among the various people and obligations we have, do we make a contract with ourselves for what is left of our time and energy? Maybe it should be the other way around, make our own contracts first and everyone else gets what is left? Or is that selfish? Do we think about our highest good and let that decide how we will live our lives? Do we have unspoken contracts with ourselves?

So many questions and I have no answers yet for myself. I’m going to write down my expectations of me and see where I’m at. I may need to lose some of the ones I’ve been carrying around with me that make no sense anymore and create some new ones. One expectation I know I want to make is to live intentionally with room for magic and synchronicity to occur. I’ll see what comes next!

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